remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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