I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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