She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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