Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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