does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
