dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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