i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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