just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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