thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
