38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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