how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
