I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
