she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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