dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
