I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
