Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
