If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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