so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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