We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
