so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My bed smells like the plague
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
