what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize