Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
