bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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