His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
