apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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