i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
