You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
