Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
