My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
