somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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