my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
