No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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