Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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