I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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