I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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