Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
