Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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