what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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