You smell like stripper and shame
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
