I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize