Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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