WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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