Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
