oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
