I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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