Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize