Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize