yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
