...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
