anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
