so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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