I wish my penis had an off switch
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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