We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's always time for handjobs
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
