Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
