I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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