We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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