There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
