New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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