I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
