How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
