I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
should my penis look like a turkey
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
