I am puke
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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