im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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